The Bill

I'm sorry that sometimes I lose my mind. How sometimes little things that normally don't bother me, just throw me off the deep end. It's like you always say, for 3 weeks out of the month, God gives you the most precious creature on earth, then the 4th week, the bill comes. I know that you think I can help it, that I should be able to control my moods and my feelings, but the truth is I can't. I can handle them after the fact and apologize. But when something hurts me, there's no stopping it. I'm so sorry that I'm monster. Imagine, having an absolute horrible day, and you drop a million things, stub your toe 7 times, people won't leave you alone, your body is exausted, and it just seems like nothing is going right. That what my days are like for 7+ days in a row. It gets to you. It makes you want to curl into a ball and hibernate for a week. You want to block out the rest of the world, until you're back to yourself again. I don't want to hurt you. I never do, and you know that baby. And I wish that PMS & PMDD would just go away. No one needs it. I know its still hard for you to understand, & you may think you that DO understand babe, but I just don't think that you'll ever fully get it. i know that you try to understand though, and thank you :) I just really want you to understand that even though it seems like that one week out of the month isn't worth the other three, just keep remembering that I'm trying to control something that's not up up to me. You're my babyboo. & I love you so so so much. And I know that you don't deserve me as a monster. But I'm getting better love, i promise. I admit when i'm being irrational and everything.

Joshua, you're my everything. I take you forever. For better or for worse. For sick or health. You'll take me won't you?